Everyone knows there’s at least 9 guys in the world probably, and even more TYPES of guys. What? Anyways, listed here are the 7 guys everybody dates in their twenties.
The Guy Who Doesn’t Take Dating Seriously But Does Take Talons Seriously, As In Bird Feet
We’ve all been there. You really like a guy, but he’s “not ready to seriously date” because he’s “always too busy staring at photos of bird legs.” You text him, seeing if he wants to come over. He responds, as usual, with:
The Guy Who Has Never Heard Of Most Things
It doesn’t matter what you talk about, it is guaranteed that there will be confusion. Perhaps you say, “I can’t remember if I locked my car,” and he says, “what’s that,” and you’re like, “What’s what,” and he’s like, “A car, is that this?” and points to his hand, and you’re like, “That’s your hand,” and he goes, “Right, right,” and this is your whole relationship.
The Guy Who REFUSES To Believe That Feet Aren’t Called Leg Hands
It’s always the same fight. You even MENTION the word “foot,” and he goes, “What is that” and you tell him, and he goes, “Don’t you mean LEG HANDS?” and you say, “Jesus, no, it’s a foot” and he starts screaming “NO. THAT’s NOT A REAL WORD, JESSICA” and then just shows you his hands, shrieking, “Why would they make two words for the same thing????”
The Guy Who REFUSES To Believe That Shoulders Are Real
You make the mistake one night of asking him to massage your shoulders, and he’s like, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” and you point to your shoulders and he says, “There’s nothing there, you’re pointing to nothing,” and you grab him by the shoulders and shake him and he yells, “I DON’T. I don’t feel anything!!!!!!!!!!!!”
The Guy Who Thinks Every Woman He Sees Is His Mom
“Why do I have so many moms???” he is never not saying when you guys are out together. You try to explain to him that not all women are his mom, but then he just gets angry and shouts, “Not ALL men!!!!” and you’re like, “That has nothing to do with this,” but he’s not listening because he’s off scare-group-hugging like six frightened women shouting, “HELLO MOTHERS.”
The Guy Who Thinks Every Day Is Everyone’s Birthday And Is Always Stressed Out About It
“Why is everyone’s birthday on the same day??????” he wakes up shouting each morning, startling you. You calmly tell him that it’s not everyone’s birthday today, and he waves a calendar with nothing written on it at you and shouts, “Oh yeah? Then what does THIS mean, HMM?” and you say, “That is a calendar,” and he says, “PRECISELY.”
The Guy Who Consistently Calls You “Dad” On Accident
Talk about a Freudian slip*! Every time you try to have a conversation, you’re like, “Hey Jeff,” and he’s like, “Hey, Dad- sorry!” and you’re like, “it’s okay,” and he’s like, “ Okay, sorry, Dad- dammit” and you’re like “dude” and he’s like, “I KNOW. SORRY. SORRY DAD” and you’re like, “I’M MELANIE” and he’s like, “DAD. DAD DAD. DAD DAD SORRY DAD.”
*what does this phrase mean
none of this actually exists 
I dated the leg hands guy. Only instead of leg hands he didn’t believe that flats was a word for a kind of shoes and got weirdly angry when I hysterically insisted they were. Also my name is Jessica! How did you know?!